"Every time you venture out in your life of faith, you will find something in your circumstances that, from a common sense standpoint, will flatly contradict your faith. But common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense." ~ Oswald Chambers
From a common sense standpoint what I did was a bit crazy, and I even had family members and friends tell me so, or at least give me looks with raised eye brows :)
But, I still decided to QUIT MY JOB!
Since before I even started my teaching career seven years ago, I had a longing in my heart to be a stay at home mama once I had children. When I started teaching, I fell in love with my job. Of course there were things that we all dislike as teachers about our jobs, but the children, the teaching, getting to know the families, creating a learning environment in my room, building friendships with co-workers, watching children who could not read become readers... these were the things I worked long hours for and what made me excited to come to work each day. Once I started investing time into these things, I was nervous and felt somewhat guilty that I may NOT want to be without a job and stay home with my children one day (this was before I had children).
I was so excited to plan every new unit or theme. Holidays were so much more fun doing them with first graders, and I LOVED creating fun projects to go along with the topics we were learning about. I made trips to the public library often to gather arm loads of books that would engage my students and make them love reading. I'm telling you, it was FUN, challenging, but FUN, and I was getting paid for it at the same time!!
As time passed in my career, the demands of the job became greater, but my students and their families were worth it. I loved building the relationships with them and watching my first graders grow and learn, so I kept on "trucking." I have always enjoyed working hard and thrive on being productive. In the first several years of my teaching career, I stayed many nights until the custodians "kicked me out" so they could lock up around 9pm. No one asked me to do this or made me do this. I did it because I was passionate about doing and creating things to help my students learn. As demands continued to increase each year... my joy was robbed more and more. I was still having to work long hours, but I was spending time completing tasks that really were not beneficial for my students. I LOVE TEACHING and always will, but sadly I felt like I had less and less time to teach. Less and less time to get to know my students, their families, build relationships with them.
When I found out I was pregnant, I had a torn heart. Yes, I knew from all I studied in my Early Childhood college classes that more growth happens between birth to three years of age than any other time in a child's life. I wanted to be the one to help shape my children and mold them during this time. I wanted to be the one to teach them, give them experiences, love on them, nurture them. I wanted to quit my job to be there for my biological children, but I was scared.
The summer I was pregnant, I taught summer school for the third summer in a row. People thought I was crazy for wanting to work that summer instead of kicking my feet up and relaxing during my pregnancy, but summer school was my most favorite teaching time. I had 10-12 students who were eager to learn, only worked four days a week, and there were rarely any meetings after work! I told people over and over again that I wish I could teach summer school all the time, year round!! So, of course, I fell in love with these kids and teaching again that summer... and I did not want to quit teaching.
That October, my little girl was born, and my heart was stretched in a way I never knew it could stretch. I dreaded going back to work in January and leaving her all day. She was in great hands with my Mama and Mother-in-Law, but I didn't want to miss anything. Once I went back to work, I quickly realized that my job was EASIER than being at home all day with a newborn, but I still longed to be with her.
My husband knew my heart. He saw the complete "rat race" we were on with me working and raising a newborn. We simply DID life... we were not enjoying life. It was one task after another. We did not know each other, and I really did not know myself. All the things I once enjoyed (cooking, taking care of a home, going out on dates, reading, exercising, serving at church, spending time with friends and family) I had no desire for any longer, no time for any longer.
I WAS SIMPLY SURVIVING. There was no quality of life involved, and the days were passing quickly.
I knew what I wanted to do. Stay at home. However it was not that easy. We had some savings, but Daniel's job offered no insurance and quitting my job would cut our income in half. We prayed. We read our Bibles. We sought advice from wise people who were strong in their faith.
On the very last possible day I could turn in my teaching contract for the next year... I resigned. We had no plan for insurance, we truly were going to struggle to make it work on Daniel's income, we had not even sat down together to make a monthly budget (totally out of my Dave Ramsey fan character), but we felt this is where God was leading our family. We could not see the end or what was ahead, but we knew God sees our whole lives and we placed our family in His hands. I took a leap of faith and stepped out in obedience.
On my last teacher work day in June, as I was cleaning out seven years worth of teaching materials I had accumulated in my classroom, I came across this paper I had written during my induction class the week before my first year of teaching. It brought me to tears.
Reading this letter that last day in my classroom, the room that had been my home away from home for seven years, I realized the beauty of following after Christ and allowing Him to write my life story. Teaching was my first career dream and yes I played school EVERY day after spending seven hours at school as a child, but the paper also revealed that I had a longing for being a mother one day and possibly even owning my own business before this life is over.
My Empty Classroom
On the way home that last day, of course there were mixed emotions, and still some fear in the back of my mind, but God comforted me with this beautiful rainbow on my drive home. It reminded me of the first rainbow mentioned in the Bible that represented a covenant between God and Noah where he promised to never destroy the Earth by flood again. I praised God on that drive home that His promises are always kept, and though I did have fear because I was not sure of what was ahead by leaving my job, I did know that I was stepping out on obedience of what I felt God was calling me to do. To me this rainbow was a little sign from Heaven to remind me that God is faithful and would take care of me and my family. He had a plan for me. "Many are the plans in a man's heart; but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21
I do not think it was a coincidence at all that when we pulled into our neighborhood on that last day, there was a DOUBLE rainbow at our home, my new job!! A double promise that God was with me, would uphold me, and guide me through this life change.
All summer I have enjoyed every second with my baby girl and loved every memory we have made. As my teacher friends and many students prepare to go back to school from the summer tomorrow, I again have mixed emotions. The "nerd" in me is already missing organizing my classroom, putting together notebooks, color coding my calendar, and preparing for a fresh new group of students to teach, but I know life is but a breath and my little girl will never be young again!! I will always be a teacher and love teaching... and I may go back to it one day, but for now God has done some amazing things this summer to remind me that I am right where I need to be... at home with my baby girl. I can't wait to share in my next post how He's been working in our family.
