Now, it just so happens that many times when we step out in faith the enemy is close by waiting to bring doubt into our lives and test our faith. When I decided to quit my job at the end of April and felt I had made the right decision, I quickly had some doubt creep into my life. The VERY next week, we took our daughter to her 6 month check up and her pediatrician suggested that we go to The Medical University of South Carolina to have a doctor look at the birthmark around her eye. We made an appointment for the end of May and were told by the doctor at MUSC that she had a Port Wine Stain which would need a series of laser treatments, and he also wanted her to have an MRI to make sure she did not have Sturge Weber Syndrome. WHAT? Okay, so I just quit my job, we were going to lose my state health insurance at the end of June, and you're telling me that my daughter may have a serious syndrome, and on top of that will need laser treatment done to her face once a month for several months until it is cleared!!! Talk about doubt. Not to mention while we were in Charleston someone backed into my car while it was parked at a restaurant and didn't bother to leave a note offering to pay for it (which I still haven't repaired haha). All I could think that week besides praying that my little girl would be okay was that I should have kept my job for our finances. Did I make the right choice?
The next week, I took a day off of work and had my mother-in-law keep my daughter. It was really the first time I had been given a moment alone to process all that was going on in my life, and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I knew there was only one way to solve my problem, GIVE IT TO GOD. I knew my mind was going in all kinds of tormenting directions so I decided to type my prayer that morning instead of praying in my crazy head. This is what I wrote:
May 27, 2015
Father,
Sometimes it is
so hard to clear my mind to come to you in prayer, so today I just want to pray
to you through writing. I am very
anxious, scared, worried, concerned about my sweet Emersyn. My mind is very positive one minute knowing
that she is a happy, healthy, growing, advanced little girl. But I also know that she does have some of
the symptoms of this Port Wine Stain and Sturge Weber Syndrome.
Lord, I lay my
worries, anxieties, cares, and concerns at your feet because you are the ONLY
one who knows what is ahead. You know
more than the doctors, more than the Internet, even more than me and her
daddy. And Father, YOU are the ONLY one
that can ultimately heal her. Yes,
finding the right doctors is important, but YOU are the GREAT PHYSICIAN. You performed miracles many years ago when
you healed the blind and you are still performing them today.
Father, I ask
that you heal Emersyn’s spots around her eye, nose, and head completely and
without any laser treatments if it be your will. I pray that you not allow her to have the
Sturge Weber Syndrome but rather have a perfectly normal brain that is
developing completely normal for her age.
Nothing is too hard or impossible for you Lord.
You know how
much her daddy and I love her and want her to have a healthy life full of
JOY. But more over, we know that you
created her and love her even more than we do which is hard to even
imagine. Thank you for entrusting her to us. Thank you for allowing us to
raise our sweet Emersyn. Please give us
a peace while we wait, and lead us to the doctors that you would have us
see. If procedures are necessary, please
help us to know the right timing to have those procedures completed. Direct us, lead us, hold us, comfort us, draw
us closer to you. We praise you during
this time because we know that YOU are faithful, and even though it is so hard
for me not to be able to control the situation and make my daughter be okay
right now, I trust that everything good comes from you and that you have
Emersyn in the palm of your hand.
So just as
Abraham gave his son Isaac to you, trusting that you would take care of him,
Father, I give my precious daughter Emersyn to you knowing that you will do
what is best for her because you are the only one who knows the plans and
purpose you have for her life.
Father, I love
you and thank you that you are always here in my time of need. Forgive me for not setting aside more time to
spend with you in the day in and day out hustle and bustle of life lately. I cannot wait for summer to begin so I can
make it a point to spend time in your Word and in prayer more often. I also lift up my career to you. I have made the decision to stay at home, but
Father, if that is not what you want of me, please lead me to the job you
desire for me to have. I also lift up
Daniel in his career and ask that you continue to open doors for him as you
desire and in your timing whether it be through golf courses, basketball, or
something we have no clue of yet. We
give you our finances and ask that you would multiply them if it be your
will. I miss having time with you as I
used to and thank you for this day of being able to spend some time just
sitting with you and being still before you.
I ask in advance that you bless the Bible study I will be doing this
summer with Katrina and that you will use it to strengthen my walk with you,
Father. Help me to keep up with it and
be held accountable by another person.
My desire is to know you more, understand your Word more deeply, and be
the wife and mother you have called me to be.
I love you.
As the weeks continued, another kink was placed into our lives. Daniel's employers had told him three years ago when he took his job that they would not give him health insurance since I worked for the state and he could use my insurance. He told them that was fine, but when we had children I may not continue working and we would need health coverage then. They said they would not provide health insurance, but rather a stipend to help pay for it. In June he approached them asking for the stipend since I was no longer employed, and they gave him WAY less than what we expected and what was needed to cover our insurance.
When Daniel told me, I was pretty angry and ready to attack someone, but Daniel, being the godly, calm man he is, settled me down and reminded me that God was in control. He enjoyed working at the golf course and loved his crew. He said he was going to continue to work as if working for the Lord, not for man and he knew God would bless that (Colossians 3:23). WOW!! My husband always keeps me grounded especially when my temper gets the best of me. We gave it to God, and he continued to get up and head to work with a good attitude each day.
In the meantime, we had our daughter's MRI scheduled for June 25th. My mom and I took her to Charleston and Daniel was coming that evening after work to hear the results that next morning. On Daniel's drive down, he received a phone call out of the blue from a company that manufactures and sells products for sports fields offering him a job. He had not sought out any jobs, though we knew he needed a different one that offered benefits. This person had just thought of him and wanted to see if he was interested. They were going to offer insurance, retirement, and a company truck... all things he did not have with his current job. The next morning we went back to the hospital for our daughter's MRI results and received a huge praise report that her brain looked completely normal. (More details on doctor report here) I knew God had heard my prayers and was working miracles in our lives.
After leaving the hospital and settling back in, Daniel and I discussed the job offer and it sounded as if it could be an answer to prayer... but as usual, I was hesitant and Daniel was ready to jump. I told him we needed to take time to pray about it, ask them some more detailed questions, and seek wisdom from others. I mentioned to him how going to this job would be somewhat moving out of his degree that he went to Clemson for and had put in years of experience. I was not sure the change out of the golf course industry into sales would be smart in the long run if a better golf course superintendent position came available. I suggested he get advice from an owner of Corbin Turf, who I knew was a godly man, to see what it was like to be in the turf sales world verses the golf course superintendent side.
He went by Corbin's office and spoke with him about the situation, and he told Daniel not to take the job yet that he possibly wanted to make him an offer to work for their company. WOW! Okay, Daniel was not seeking a job and within several days he had two job offers!! Can you say God heard my prayer? In the end, the second offer was better and though he would not be making much more than he did in his current job, he had the opportunity to earn commission and they offered insurance, retirement, and a company truck.
I share this story with you because I know God challenges us all at one time or another to step out on faith trusting in Him and not in ourselves. Your leap may have nothing to do with quitting your job as it did with me. It may actually be taking a new job, teaching a Sunday School class, witnessing to someone, getting involved in ministry, relocating, or many other things. I also share this story as a testimony that God hears our prayers and knows our hearts. I am amazed at what has occurred since I typed that prayer back in May. 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."
So, have my days of being a stay at home mom been all peaches and cream? Some days are priceless and full of smiles, love, and giggles, but others I have literally wanted to run away and hide :) I have much more time to spend with my little girl, but we also have to watch our spending much more closely. It is one of the hardest jobs I have EVER had... but it is right where I need to be for this season in life. I am thankful that I stepped out of my comfort zone, gave up control, and allowed God to take a good situation and make it even better.
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